I’m trying to digest and enjoy these days one by one but being locked in and having like a thousand of preparations in my mind makes the days so short and distressing. I feel I’m developing a real phobia to calendars and time in general, I could be very aware about the sun moving and going away above me if it wasn’t for these beautiful cloudy days that make me feel more miserable for not having time to spare outside without feeling guilty.
Aside from this, I finally started to get my hands dirty. Action at last. This is such a different process of what I did before, but I guess it was bound to happen, little by little until I had to face my own decisions and take advantage of what’s around me, not in front of this sterile computer.
Leaving stock pictures behind is not easy when you spoil yourself using them to express something too personal. I know that in some situations like in publicity or fast solutions (as always) in graphic design they’re life savers, but when you are trying to convey a personal message and insightful exploration; using only generic stock pictures delays with no doubt the encounter with a visual and symbolic identity that every artist aspires to.
Finding objects, creating scenarios, facing phobias, touching real human bones is only a few of the things I’ve experimented searching for my own stock. Obviously I could save energies searching in some stock engine on the internet something similar of what I have in my mind. But efficiency most of the times kills the essence, the spirit… and that, is what I’m needing the most right now.
There’s no doubt that internet drives us to mental idleness, everything is served in fragments and we can’t see the total picture. For these years in which I’ve been progressively quitting on taking what’s around me and on not improvising despite my limitations, I’ve identified that this easy way has been until now part of my slow progress. I have to realize and accept when I’m limited, and make the best out of it.
I may be a little harsh with myself, but, it has been this way, and at least I haven’t stopped, I didn’t stop even having a camera like this , and I surely won’t.